A Wading Mind

It’s hard to get along with others.  It’s especially hard for someone like me to get along with others.  I feel a closer connection to the wind, the trees and the animals. It probably started at birth.  My first word was balloon. It seemed, from the story of losing a balloon in a park while sitting in my stroller, that I had more of a connection to an inanimate object than I did, like most others, moma or papa. 

I am probably reading too much into this but isn’t that part of the joy and fun of writing. Being able to use our brains to create and explore and try to understand how things work with the main goal being to understand how ourselves work?  At least that is the case for me.  

I am a lifelong learner that was passed by many times for being an outlier.  It still happens but my defense mechanisms for handling it seem to be more developed and acute.  It certainly helped me in the classroom. I never thought or thought of myself as the boss. I always view myself as part of the team.  Maybe the mediator or guide but certainly not the boss or ruler. For me, there is only one of them and I am not him or her or it.

Moving on.  The fun thing about being an outlier is the view.  Somehow and for some chemical reason happening in our brains, we just don’t see the world like others.  And you betcha, problems arise regularly. What is great about social media and the modern era is now people like me can make mistakes in communication and not have to duck a punch or run away.  It’s safer.

What others don’t seem to understand, especially as of late, is that the marginalized community is growing into smaller and smaller fractions.  Fifty years ago it would have been called the civil rights movement and in many ways, this made more sense. Fight for a just and fair system that welcomes and meets the needs of more of the civilian population.  Today though, that is not the case.

It is almost like the outcome of the civil rights movement was a slow decline backwards and what has been created is a what’s in it for me and my group society where each individual is seen and allowed to believe in what he or she wants without consideration of others.  When in fact, given the type of access we have at our fingertips, there should be a sense of hope and connectedness.

But then again maybe my brain has it wrong and really our only purpose here is to survive as best we can.  Be the badger and the wolf. Steal, cheat, scream and fight to get what we want. If it is, that’s okay by me.  I’ll try my best to just chill with the animals, plants and the winds of change hoping that the tide will wade soon


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