A Directionless Direction

Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time looking for a path to follow that time just gets wiped away.  Just wishing for a split second, a fraction of clarity to know that the search is not futile. That the direction I am on is on track. I have a hard time trusting myself.  Hope, I think, is what I am searching for in a world and a time where hopelessness is an easy commodity.  

There is a Japanese concept about choices.  It’s simple. When we make one choice we are also making the choice not to make all other choices.  It’s easy to take this for granted but when we realize and come to terms with the fact that all we have is the now, we start to realize the magnitude of our choices have on our own lives.  

I was at a precipice.  My father had just died and I hated my job.  The list of reasons upon reflection was laughable.  From unlicensed workers to gross negligence of budget, time and safety to all stakeholders.  Not once have I regretted the decision. It was the right one.  

But as I pursue other paths and change the course of my life and worry about my next paycheck, it is easy to think I chose wrong.  Yet cellularly, I am happier, have more energy and am able to focus on, get on and remain on tasks longer. This is when I know the direction I am headed, as foggy as it may be, is the right one at the right time.


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